my flaws

my flaws:

rooty hair

bags under eyes

dodgy nose

no cheekbones

long face

big chin

big forehead

funny teeth

thin lips

freckly nose

pale skin

small boobs

tiny waist

big hips

podge belly

fat thighs

shapeless legs

thick ankles

big feet

the list goes on....

ive lost weight

but i still feel awful.
fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat.

someone

Somebody close to me died today :(
very upset ;[

had enough.

i feel as though im leading a double life. my ED life and my normal life. im sick of lying to people.sick of pretending im OK,sick of secretly counting calories,and weighing myself. exercising.coming on here and writing everything down,logging onto Ana websites.
i wanna tell somebody about my ED but i just cant.
i wish i could just wake up in the morning and feel normal for once.
i dont know why im writing this, i just feel so though.
sick of hiding.

FATTTYYYY

food intake today..
a large sausage roll
packet of crisps
Bacon sandwich
2 chocolate bars
mash potatoe and chicken
1 chocolate biscuit

FAT COW.

this week.

this week,i have doctors tomorrow and my driving test thursday!
im so stressed and nervous!
wish me luck!!!
xoxo

the new dress

my extra small dress.

XS

i bought an extra small dress today and it fits :D pic will be up tomorrow...so happy right now...!!!

i give up.

simple.

i hate the fact that im getting worse,i was trying to recover,now im making myself more sick.
i cant stand to see my fat ugly face and body in the mirror now.i cant even bring myself to eat during the day now,i cant eat in front of anyone but my own family. i cry myself to sleep. i cry over any little thing. im depressed again.
my cousin has gone away for 2 weeks,i cant cope without a text or a phone call,i rely on her for. i dont talk to her about my issues,i gave up talking to her,when i made her cry one evening telling her how i felt. she just makes me feel a little better when i speak to her!

im a fucking joke.
im a mess.
im a failure.

my new dress :)

:)

Cry baby!!

im currently crying over nothing...NOTHING!! im such a freak. think its time to call the doctors :/
:(

em xoxo

Scales.

i really hope my scales are wrong or broken..i weigh myself once a week and if the scales are correct today i've put on 2lb! ;( i want to cry! ive done so well this week aswell..i really dont know why i haven't lost :(


em xoxo

this is me.

Ok so this is my first blog,

i haven't wrote how i feel in a really long time and feel now is the time to do so. 

so here goes nothing! 

i am a member of PT(prettythin.com) and i totally love it there,that site means so much to me

i love the girls/guys on there,they are so supportive and they understand me..well i hope they do anyways!

i joined that site because i have nobody i can talk to,nobody who understands how i feel,nobody to tell me everything is going to be OK,i feel as though i can be myself on that site and i have made some good friends,the media get it all wrong about ED sites,they think its some place people go to to get tips and tricks on how to purge or lose weight,PT isn't like that. 

Ive had a problem with food since i was 15,i was at high school,140lb and 5ft7-healthy weight and i got bullied because of the way i looked,i had terrible teeth,but i got braces.I still got bullied.I didn't go to school for most of that year and i failed my exams because i didn't do the coursework because i didn't t turn up. 

i studied beauty therapy at college and i passed,i actually achieved something!! then i met my first boyfriend,

i confided in him about my problem with food and he turned nasty and started calling me fat,ugly,selfish like the bullies did at school.this made my problem worse and i started self harming. this carried on for 2 years till my dad discovered the cuts on my arms, he took me to the doctors and got me put on anti-depressants. 2 years have passed and im still no better ive been to eating classes,counsellers, im a mess,but i have a wonderful boyfriend but i cant talk to him about any of this,my family think im bettter,but im not.my head is mashed!  im now 119lb 5ft10 with a bmi of 17.2. so thats just a little bit about me and my past. needed to get my feelings out in the open really.

Em xoxo