This is getting worse..

OK guys i havent posted for about 5 months,things have been getting too much to handle recently and felt i should vent by typing how i feel on here.
here goes...


Im currently at my lowest weight and i dont feel any happier AT ALL. my depression is back and haunting me,i self harmed for the first time in a year last night,i cant look at myself in the mirror or i start crying.I start to wonder what i looked like to people when i was a stone heavier,a fat ugly girl.i so want to be normal,but i cant bring myself to try to "recover" again. My doctor will not give me anti depressants anymore because she says i will abuse them :( i need them so badly to stop these awful thoughts and feelings.




my BMI is 17.2. but to me that means nothing.still fat.

EDAW :)

MY B-EAT TEE :) 

my flaws

my flaws:

rooty hair

bags under eyes

dodgy nose

no cheekbones

long face

big chin

big forehead

funny teeth

thin lips

freckly nose

pale skin

small boobs

tiny waist

big hips

podge belly

fat thighs

shapeless legs

thick ankles

big feet

the list goes on....

ive lost weight

but i still feel awful.
fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat.

someone

Somebody close to me died today :(
very upset ;[

had enough.

i feel as though im leading a double life. my ED life and my normal life. im sick of lying to people.sick of pretending im OK,sick of secretly counting calories,and weighing myself. exercising.coming on here and writing everything down,logging onto Ana websites.
i wanna tell somebody about my ED but i just cant.
i wish i could just wake up in the morning and feel normal for once.
i dont know why im writing this, i just feel so though.
sick of hiding.

FATTTYYYY

food intake today..
a large sausage roll
packet of crisps
Bacon sandwich
2 chocolate bars
mash potatoe and chicken
1 chocolate biscuit

FAT COW.